Jonah Naplan   October 27, 2023

One of the most sluggish products of the fall movie season so far, “Five Nights at Freddy’s” is neither serviceable enough as a fan’s magnum opus, nor competent as a simple entertainment. Your frustration mainly stems from watching the movie’s few good scenes and wondering why the rest of the film couldn’t be the same way, and from the fact that it’s never quite scary enough to pass as horror, but barely packed with enough suspense to register as a thriller, either. On the one hand, it’s paying too much attention to the childhood trauma of its boring leading man, sacrificing frights and sufficient world-building in order to do so. But on the other, it is so devoid of all spirit, rendering many scenes that should leave an impression vastly underwhelming and lukewarm in tone. Watching the film, I was reminded of other such pratfalls in video game adaptations as of late, such as “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” and “Uncharted.” And while I’m desperately hoping for a change of pace in this infamously troubled genre, these filmmakers certainly didn’t take the hint.

“Five Nights at Freddy’s” centers on Mike (Josh Hutcherson, sigh) a security guard who, in a moment of despair, agrees to night watch for Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, a retro family kitchen and arcade that closed its doors in the 80s after the mysterious disappearances of several children. As Mike’s employer (a criminally underused Matthew Lillard) tells him, the building is only still standing because the owner is some sort of a “sentimental guy.” Mike, a troubled, disheveled young man, would prefer not to take the job, but his options are limited, and he’s in a bit of a pickle as his custody over his sister Abby (Piper Rubio) is sitting on the chopping block, about to be handed over to his tyrannical aunt Jane (Mary Stuart Masterson), who simply wants to take her away to collect child support compensation.

That the movie makes Masterson the imposing villain rather than the animatronics who haunt the pizzeria is its biggest misstep. And you may find yourself yearning to spend more time with Freddy and Friends than the movie seems to offer. Of course, you have the Fazbear himself (voice of Kevin Foster), but he’s joined by his buddies Bonnie, Chica (voices of Jade Kindar-Martin and Jess Weiss respectively), Cupcake—a literal, murderous cupcake—and Foxy. The voice casting alone, which employs multiple professional talents instead of big names like The Rock or Tom Holland who are so easily recognizable even on a verbal scale, could have allowed for opportunities to delve into each animatronic as characters without worrying about the distraction of celebrity expectation.

But director Emma Tammi, working from a screenplay she cowrote with Seth Cuddeback and FNaF game creator Scott Cawthon, is more concerned with Mike’s childhood trauma of losing his younger brother Garrett (Lucas Grant) than it is the questions of whether animatronics have feelings for humans and whatnot; more interesting topics. Versions of the same footage of Mike wandering around the woods, searching for his abducted brother, running into some creepy children, and watching a car speed away is used—I counted—five different times in the movie, and each repeat doesn’t further the narrative any better than the last.

Eventually, Mike reaches the banal, all-consuming inquiry of the abductor’s identity, and this reveal is not performed in any inherently intriguing way, other than a callback to FNaF lore that fans will likely appreciate. But I’d guess that’s one of the only things fans will like; in seeing the movie with my brother who’s plenty knowledgeable about FNaF, he claimed that it didn’t really feel like a “Five Nights at Freddy’s” movie at all, and that the filmmakers “messed everything up.” I cannot speak to the sincerity of his claims because I know very little about the video games myself. But I can tell you that based off of what I know about movies, “Five Nights at Freddy’s” follows all the typical ropes and tropes of the genre, not just basic plot beats, but the jumpscares and set-ups too.

The direction the film takes a mysterious cop named Vanessa (Elizabeth Lail), who knows a suspicious amount about Freddy Fazbear, will be called out a mile away by anyone who has ever seen a movie. And its tendency to cram pathos into every crevice it can find is a plasticine approach that doesn’t hit you any harder as it unravels.

It’s not all bad though. The aesthetic and recreation of the pizzeria itself is a notable achievement, and the location acts as a character in the third act when rules are broken and all hell breaks loose. Well, not all the rules. Much of “Five Nights at Freddy’s” feels as if it’s chained to a leash, restrained by the PG-13 rating. It’s a lot gorier than you’d expect from anything coming out of Disney these days, but so much more tame in comparison to the actual games in which it’s based upon. This wouldn’t matter as much if the action fared better, but it does not. Characters are thrown on top of other characters, kicked across rooms, stabbed and tased. You’re more likely to walk away confused by what you’ve just watched than entertained.

There was probably some great ideas for this project thrown out here and there, but the most frustrating ones ended up in the actual movie. If nothing else, “Five Nights at Freddy’s” is merely another bland, lifeless video game adaptation to add to the ongoing list, a film that will only satisfy the most hopeless cinephiles, especially if they’ve never seen a movie before.

Now playing in theaters and available on Peacock.