Jonah Naplan   March 25, 2023

It’s a real shame that the worst movie of 2023 so far has come from the Phoenix Film Festival. But at least it wasn’t destined to be bad. Timothy Scott Bogart’s discombobulating, poorly acted, tedious and incredibly overlong “Spinning Gold” is the perfect example of what not to do when listing your priorities for how to make a competent film. Style is important, but it shouldn’t be number one. On Bogart’s checklist however, it clearly was. Substance was likely number seventeen.

This film has been marketed with the tagline, “A story so unbelievable that it can only be true!” “Spinning Gold” sets itself up for wild and crazy things, almost looking like it wants to change the tired musical biopic genre for the better, at least for a little while. Unfortunately, “Spinning Gold” can only manage to mutter a peep. Told nonlinearly, “Spinning Gold” captures the rise, heavy decline, and then rise again of Casablanca Records, a label most famous for releasing the works of Donna Summer, KISS, Parliament, Gladys Knight, Giorgio Moroder, the Isley Brothers, the Village People and Bill Withers. Some artists are shown more than others. Several aren’t shown at all. 

Jeremy Jordan plays Neil Bogart, the eccentric, selfish, and corrupt founder of Casablanca Records. Bogart is a heavy gambler, who’s pretentious to the point that not only is he the main character in the movie, but it seems like he thinks he’s the main character in life. He’s incredibly unlikable. But this is not necessarily Jordan’s fault. Writer and director Timothy Scott Bogart is Neil Bogart’s actual son, yet he writes his father as a character who is shockingly petulant and not too fun to be around. Jordan prances about the screen with a bounce in his step—the kind of everyman who’s used to things going his way. He has admired his stern father (Jason Isaacs) ever since he was a small boy (young Bogart is played by Winslow Fegley), but his dad, Al, is cynical of the risks he takes.

Bogart is passionate about music, and in the opening scene of the film, Jordan’s voice narrates as we watch how a vinyl record is made. Bogart has the idea to create his own record company, and works with his associates, including Cecil Holmes (Jay Pharoah) and Buck Reingold (Dan Fogler) to do so. The only problem is that Bogart is bankrupt, and as he attempts to continue growing his label, he drives himself further and further into debt. Title cards appear throughout the film, giving us frequent updates on how much money he owes. And to be perfectly honest, I found the most entertaining thing about “Spinning Gold” to be watching those big numbers steadily rise.

Otherwise, “Spinning Gold” is a painfully boring film, and it’s unfortunate because the true story is anything but. The movie briefly skims over some of the major artists the label signed, giving the most focus of all to KISS and Donna Summer. Summer was a coup in the day, and the film spends an awkward ordeal of a time centering on her 1975 hit “Love to Love You Baby.” There is an incredibly cringey scene as this song is introduced, and a graphically sexual one later that made me squirm. But the movie concludes with an awful dance number to Summer’s “Last Dance,” which is a good song, but I might like it a little less now.

As for KISS, there’s a subplot about how Casablanca Records was sorely mistaken about how successful the band would become, and there’s a scuffle between Neil Bogart and two members of the group, Gene Simmons (Casey Likes) and Peter Criss (Alex Gaskarth). It’s all portrayed poorly. Even more atrocious is Bogart’s relationship with his wife Beth (Michelle Monaghan) and his wife’s sister Joyce (Lyndsy Fonseca), who he maybe has an affair with? I’m so confused.

I can tell you this though. There’s a scene outside a hippodrome where Neil is having an argument with his father that contains the worst green screen I think I’ve ever seen. It is utterly, and unbelievably awful. Sometimes critics will complain that a film has bad green screen, and I won’t necessarily be able to agree on the issue. “Spinning Gold” is another matter.

This movie makes my stomach hurt. It is a cinematic chore. And I am here reminded of what my least favorite type of bad movie is—long ones. I’m sure someone must have had a good piece of mind for a good idea here at some point, but they must have been fired after the first day of shooting.

This review was filed from the Phoenix Film Festival. “Spinning Gold” opens on March 31st.